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I ponder my being!

The luggage we carry with us as we grow, develop, mature, and age, shapes us as to who we are, where we have come from, our beliefs, and even sometimes our future direction.

The weight can both drive us down and sustain us, at times in even quantities.

We can look back and see the road we have traveled, the mistakes made, the pitfalls encountered, and the challenges overcome. Have we changed over the years, and learned from our mistakes, bad decisions, poor judgment, and life experiences? Today, we are now more moral than yesterday. Has forgiveness been sought and granted, have we atoned, noting and admitting the errors of our ways?

Life is full of twists and turns and daily the luggage we carry piles ever higher, ever heavier.

In reviewing our journey, are we proud of our achievements or ashamed of them, have we benefited mankind or merely taken and not given back, with our departure, what will our legacy be, what monument are we assured will recall us in future years?

Are we destined to wander aimlessly like a beast of burden, trekking a path but never reaching the end?

I always thought it strange that in a time of crises, the approach of old age, people suddenly find religion.

And while I have not found religion, as the days' countdown to my 74th birthday, I find I am more and more reviewing my life. Trying to understand what I have achieved, and what my legacy is. How my past actions, conduct and words have caused pain to people who trusted me.

What has my life been about?

Some years ago I was told that it is acceptable to investigate my life, and it went well with what The Rambam, (Moses ben Maimon, commonly known as Maimonides and also referred to by the acronym Rambam, was a Sephardic Jewish philosopher who became one of the most prolific and influential Torah scholars of the Middle Ages. ) said that we need to investigate and ask questions.

However, he went one step further and said that we need to investigate the macro behavior and not only the individual one.

He also said that we need to investigate daily the origin of the world.

And, I still ponder my being!

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