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I ponder my being!

"When thinking about life, remember this: No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future."

What has my life been about?

The luggage we carry with us as we grow, develop, mature and age, shapes us as to who we are, where we have come from, our beliefs and even sometimes our future direction.

The weight can both drive us down and sustain us, at times in even quantities. We can look back and see the road we have traveled, the mistakes made, the pitfalls encountered and the challenges overcome.

Have we changed over the years, learned from our mistakes, bad decisions, poor judgment, and life experiences?

Today, are we now more moral than yesterday? Has forgiveness been sought and granted, have we atoned, noting and admitting the errors of our ways? Life is full of twists and turns and daily the luggage we carry piles ever higher, ever heavier.

In reviewing our journey, are we proud of our achievements or ashamed of them, have we benefited mankind or merely taken and not given back, with our departure, what will our legacy be, what monument are we assured will recall us in future years? Are we destined to wander aimlessly like a beast of burden, trekking a path but never reaching the end?

I always thought it strange that in a time of crises, the approach of old age, people suddenly find religion. And while I have not found religion, as the days' countdown, I find I am more and more reviewing my life. Trying to understand what I have achieved, what my legacy is. How my past actions, conduct, and words have caused pain to people who trusted me.

I am told that the Rambam said that one must investigate and ask questions about our life. I am also told that he went one step further and said we need to investigate the macro behavior and not only the individual one. He also said that we need to investigate daily the origin of the world.

Is there a conflict between what I am doing and what religious people do regarding reflection?

Something to think about.


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